Setting back-to-school goals that stick: A parent’s guide

Stacey Cobb, MD

Pediatrics

Back-to-school can be a busy and stressful time for both parents and children, prepping for the upcoming year while balancing summer activities and work. One way to lessen stress and head into the school year feeling more resilient is to speak to your child about setting back-to-school goals in advance. These shouldn’t be goals that only focus on grades or after-school activities. There’s a lot more to the school year than that.

Developmental-behavioral pediatrics specialist Stacey Cobb, MD, offered important advice on setting back-to-school goals for your child, whether they’re in elementary, junior high or high school.

What are the most important goals parents should help their children set at the start of the school year?

“We encourage parents to focus on encouraging their children to strive for their best effort rather than a specific grade,” said Dr. Cobb.

Children who are academically gifted will often slide into a habit of only doing what is necessary to get the desired grade. For some children, those easy As become more difficult as they grow up, and goals based entirely on grades can leave them feeling discouraged or anxious if they struggle to keep achieving them. Children already having difficulties with keeping up their grades may feel hopeless when they work their hardest but still can’t achieve that desired grade.

Instead, focus on a goal that emphasizes the importance of your child giving their best effort. This will help to support a lifelong pattern of learning and achievement.

How can a parent tailor goals by age or grade level?

“Start by reflecting on what skills your child can perform on their own as opposed to those they perform with help,” said Dr. Cobb. “Goals can start with becoming independent in tasks for which they currently need help. For example, a child may do well with addition of single numbers but need help with adding double digits, so in that case it may be best to focus goals on learning the steps of double digit addition.”

In this way, goals help to build on the skills your child has already mastered, focusing on the next step or next harder skill.

For academic goals, the SC Department of Education posts the academic standards for each grade so parents can follow along with the concepts being introduced at school. For children 5 years old and younger, the CDC lists milestones of early development, including preschool learning milestones.

How can parents make sure their child’s goals are realistic and achievable?

“Goals should be adjusted based on the child’s progress,” said Dr. Cobb. “Ideal goals require some work and effort but don’t drive a person to frustration. If your child is overly frustrated by a goal or skill, consider breaking it down into parts or going back to make sure the previous skill was truly mastered first.”

Parents can also discuss goal setting with their child’s teacher during parent-teacher conferences, which are typically held in the first quarter. Teachers are an amazing resource, as they know the skills typical for the grade level they teach.

How can parents encourage or motivate their child to work toward these goals?

“Verbal praise that is specific for what the child has accomplished should be given freely! An example would be “I love the way you worked every day this week to learn your spelling words,” said Dr. Cobb.

Most children also respond well to a combination of short and long-term rewards. Smaller rewards, like getting a few extra minutes of their favorite activity or choosing the menu for a family meal, are great for daily or weekly achievements.

Larger rewards, like a trip to the zoo or a new toy/game, are great for quarter or semester achievements.

What are some warning signs that a child may be feeling overwhelmed by school-related expectations?

“Frustration on school days and avoidance of schoolwork are common signs of feeling overwhelmed,” said Dr. Cobb. “Some children will also become tearful or withdrawn when they feel overwhelmed by expectations.”

Struggling with some aspects of learning but not others, feeling overwhelmed by expectations around schoolwork or having problems with requirements to sit still in the classroom could also be early signs of a learning or behavioral disorder. Speak with your pediatrician about your concerns and what steps you can take to understand the cause of your child’s frustrations.

How can families work together to track progress without adding pressure?

“Parents should be involved daily in their child’s academic pursuits,” said Dr. Cobb. “Parents can show interest by asking about the school day, support their child’s learning by reviewing homework assignments and helping to guide them through correcting any mistakes. You don’t need to be an expert in the subject yourself! But providing that support and guidance to help your child work through the problem can be invaluable.”

Most schools now use educational apps to post grades, track progress or communicate with parents and caregivers. Families can review these communications together as a starting point for talking about what goals need to be adjusted and what challenges need new strategies or increased support.

What are some common goal setting mistakes you see parents or students making?

“Parents are often not specific enough in goals, other than those related directly to achieving a particular grade,” said Dr. Cobb. “Many parents use honor roll as a target (grade-dependent) or give vague instructions like ‘have a great year.’ But students may feel like there isn’t enough clarity on what exactly is being expected by that.”

Students and parents both need to be involved in setting the goals to give the best environment for success.

What are ways that parents could make setting and working toward achieving goals more “fun”?

“Involving your children in choosing rewards is a great way to involve them in the process! Keep in mind that the most impactful reward for kids is time spent with their parent doing an activity together that the child enjoys,” said Dr. Cobb.

While one child may feel excited about the prospect of a day out shopping at their favorite stores, another may be far more motivated by the promise of a trip to the local zoo or having a family dinner out at their favorite restaurant to celebrate their achievements.

What are SMART goals and how can parents incorporate these into their child’s goals?

“SMART goals are a framework for setting effective goals,” said Dr. Cobb. “They are specific, measurable, achievable, relevant and time bound.”

An example for a middle schooler might be to turn in 90% of their homework assignments in math class during the first quarter. The goal is very specific, easy to measure, achievable by the student, relevant to their daily life, and must be achieved within a fairly limited period of time.

There are many online tools to help parents utilize this framework in setting goals for or with their children.