When the holidays aren’t so happy

Marjorie Hobbs, LPC

Prisma Health Behavioral Care Day Treatment

Gifts and celebrations, parties and lights. What’s not to like, right? But for some, the holiday season does not always feel festive and bright. Licensed professional counselor Marjorie Hobbs offered some tips on how to deal with common stressors during the holidays.

• Loss of a loved one. Holidays can be painful when there is an empty chair at the table where a loved one used to sit. There is no timetable for grieving and often the feelings of sadness are intensified around holidays when there is a focus on being with those we love. Talking about the missing person and remembering past holidays or traditions they were once a part of is often helpful. 
• Family tension. Any existing family conflict or relationship tension tends to come to the forefront during the holiday season. This can cause long-buried hurt feelings to resurface and raise stress levels for all involved. Taking some time out and pacing yourself with family involvement can make the holidays more manageable. 
• Loneliness. For those who may find themselves without family and friends around the holidays, there may be sadness and loneliness that presses in. Looking for ways to serve others can help with this, whether volunteering or connecting with people who may be in the same situation.
• Limited finances. We live in a culture where happiness is often perceived to be inseparable from spending. This can cause major stress around holidays as there may be an urge to over-extend financially. Making and keeping to a budget is helpful, but also keep in mind that the most memorable and valued parts of the holidays are more often the time spent and experiences shared with those who are dear to us.
• Comparison with others. Theodore Roosevelt once said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.”  When we look around and compare our own situation to that of others, whether a holiday experience or anything else, we risk losing any contentment or peace we previously had. Practicing acceptance and gratefulness and resisting comparison to others can help to keep our spirits bright and our hearts open. 

If you or someone you know is experiencing the holiday blues, let a supportive person know what you are going through. If the feelings don’t seem to fade after the holidays, you may need to reach out for professional help.