Am I in an unhealthy dating relationship?
There are ups and downs in every relationship, and no relationship is perfect. But how do you know if your relationship is an unhealthy one? Psychiatrist Frank Clark, MD, explained how to recognize relationship red flags and what to do if you find yourself in an unhealthy dating relationship.
“First of all, relationships need to be reciprocal,” Dr. Clark said. “They’re not one-sided.”
They also need to be based on trust. “If there is a lack of trust in the relationship, that doesn’t allow for a solid foundation, especially if this is someone you may want to pursue marriage with or one day have children with,” he said.
Dr. Clark said a good way to tell if your relationship is healthy is to look at how your partner treats other people. “How do they treat friends or family? Sometimes it’s not necessarily what they’re saying, but what they’re doing. Do their words match their actions? If there is some incongruency there that may be a sign that it’s an unhealthy relationship.”
Can you fix an unhealthy relationship?
It depends on the relationship. If there’s infidelity, some couples might try to work it out, whereas others will end the relationship. It depends on their values, how they view the relationship and if they think it’s salvageable.
“I’m a firm believer of therapy,” Dr. Clark said. “If you think the relationship can be mended, then couples therapy might help. But again, it can’t be one-sided. Both parties must be equally dedicated and committed to making it work if they want to have a prosperous relationship.”
When might your unhealthy relationship be considered abusive?
“Abuse comes in many forms and people don’t often realize they’re in an abusive relationship,” Dr. Clark said. “Maybe the person is not hitting or inflicting physical harm, but abuse can be verbal, psychological or emotional, too.”
According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, examples of abuse include if your partner tries to control you by:
- Preventing you from eating, sleeping or leaving your house.
- Preventing you from taking prescribed medicine or denying medical treatment.
- Criticizing, isolating, humiliating, threating, gaslighting or controlling you.
- Pressuring you for sex when you say no.
- Stalking you, sending unwanted messages or gifts or spreading rumors about you.
If you’re in an abusive or unhealthy dating relationship or if you’ve experienced intimate partner violence, reach out to a friend or family member for help or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233.
“There are plenty of resources in the area that provide safe havens for individuals who are being abused,” Dr. Clark said.
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