How foster parents can create a safe home base for kids and teens

Stepping up to care for a child in need of a home can be immensely rewarding. For those looking to foster parent, it’s important to create a place of safety and comfort for children who may be leaving uncertain or frightening past environments. How can foster parents create a safe home base for kids and teens?

Referral specialist Sierra Burns explained what foster parents are responsible for when it comes to care, how to help children and teens feel safe in your home and more.

What steps are involved in becoming a foster parent?

“The South Carolina Foster Parent Association and Tennessee Department of Children’s Services ask for documents such as drivers’ licenses, birth certificates, social security cards, marriage licenses, divorce decrees and complaints,” said Burns. “All of these must be submitted. You’ll also have your fingerprints taken, undergo background checks, receive medical exams and go through fire and safety inspections and home training as well.”

While it seems like a lot of steps, each one is focused on ensuring you’re the safest place for a child desperately in need of home.

What does it mean to “foster-to-adopt”? What types of fostering can someone provide?

“Foster-to-adopt is a process where while a foster parent is caring for someone currently in the custody of the state. If parental rights are terminated, then the youth becomes eligible for adoption through this process,” said Burns.

The foster parent or parents can elect to adopt the youth, at no or very low cost depending on your location and the circumstances.

How can foster parents create a safe, welcoming environment for children coming into their care?

“From lived experience, I can attest that to create a safe, welcoming environment for youth coming in, you’ll want first to make sure they have a place where they can rest and take some space for themselves,” said Burns.

Remember that each new placement is disorienting, upending the familiarity and routine they’ve had before. Ask what they may need, and to understand that it could take some time for the child to feel safe with you or able to warm up to your home. Don’t take it personally! Children and teens in foster care have often struggled with ongoing instability and need some time and space to breathe.  

What’s different when you foster younger children vs. teens?

“As I have not fostered myself, I can’t give exact specifics on fostering infants, toddlers or children, but I can speak that fostering older youth is uniquely challenging and rewarding,” said Burns. “In adolescence, we begin to explore independence and test limits, and teens in foster care do this just as much as any other.”

Burns advised patience and keeping in mind that this is a transition they are in. Change is difficult for anyone, so practice compassion with this youth that has entered your home.

What is a foster parent responsible for?

“The basics, like food, providing for essential material needs like clothing and shelter, transportation to and from school are all going to be the foster parent’s responsibility,” said Burns. “I would also add that you will be responsible for creating a consistent routine.”

The child you care for may need help getting to or from ongoing extracurricular activities or work. They might need to be signed up for a GED program. In short, part of foster parenting is helping the youth to achieve their goals for their future.

You’ll also need to get ahold of their essential documents, such as their social security card, or their birth certificate if they don’t have it yet.

How can I help the child in my care to work through potential emotional issues, or deal with my own?

“Those who use trauma-informed training say it makes a tremendous difference in care for foster youth,” said Burns. “Ideally, the foster parent association provides trauma-informed training.”

If not, it’s important to realize that foster youth often are bringing trauma with them. Understand that the child you’re caring for may be distrustful or carry a weight that requires caregivers to be understanding, compassionate and patient with them. Seeking out training to be trauma-informed is highly recommended. Also, remain consistent with expectations and communication on what is expected.

As a foster parent, should I ask if they want to talk about their biological parents or past home life, or should those topics be avoided?

“As a lived experience expert, the best advice I can give is follow the lead of the child you’re caring for,” said Burns. “Be in touch with the caseworker about if family reunification is a work in progress and meet the youth where they are.”

If they want to pursue continued connection with their family, be supportive of that relationship. Navigating familial relationships for the youth as they’ve been removed from their home is very different for each situation, so follow their lead and be persistent in getting updates from the caseworker about any case changes.

Can therapy help a child in foster care to adjust to a new home?

“As long as the child you’re caring for is open to therapy, then it can absolutely help them to adapt to their new home and find comfort,” said Burns. “Therapy requires openness and the right therapist, which can take some time to find. Children are already going through so much that it is important to meet them where they are.”