Teen dating tips: Advice for parents when their child starts dating

Brittany Peters, MD

Psychiatry

You knew this day would come. Your baby has somehow become a teenager and now is in their first relationship. Psychiatrist Brittany Peters, MD, offered teen dating tips for parents, with advice on how to help you see your teen through this exciting – and somewhat scary – time.

How can a parent help their child safely navigate their first romantic relationship?

“Romantic relationships in the adolescent years are very typical, normal experiences,” Dr. Peters said. “This is a time when kids are really trying to figure out who they are and where they fit in. Engaging in romantic relationships is one way they start to experiment with their identity and how they fit in with other people.”

One of the most important teen dating tips for parents is also an essential part of successful parenting at every age… having open and honest conversations.

“Make sure your teen understands they can come to you – regardless of their questions or whatever feelings they’re having – and share those things without judgement,” Dr. Peters said. “Let them know you’re curious and care about them and want to know the best way to support them.”

Modeling good, healthy romantic relationships is also important.

“If you yourself are involved in a relationship that isn’t healthy, it would be good to seek help and support,” Dr. Peters added. “Make sure that your own relationships are healthy and that you’re modeling good interpersonal interactions for your children.”

Finally, recognize signs of risky or unhealthy behavior in teen relationships, such as dating violence. Although it’s something we hope we never have to deal with, it’s a good thing to be aware of.

What red flags could indicate an unhealthy dating relationship?

There are several ways relationships ­can be unhealthy, including physical, verbal, emotional, and sexual abuse. The signs aren’t always obvious, but Dr. Peters offered some red flags to look for:

An on again, off again relationship. Teenage relationships can be rocky, but if your teen is engaged in a relationship that’s constantly on again, off again, something might be happening that needs a closer look.

“Intimate partner violence is often about control and one person trying to exert a large amount of control over another,” Dr. Peters said. “This kind of back and forth can sometimes be about control.”

Physical injuries. If you see unexplained physical injuries or the explanation doesn’t make sense, that would be a cause for concern.

Worsening anxiety or depression. “Worsening anxiety symptoms don’t necessarily indicate an unhealthy relationship, but it’s something to look out for and have more conversations about,” Dr. Peters said.

Isolation. If your teen is spending an excessive amount of time with their partner and completely ignoring family and friends, that can be a sign they’re being isolated.

“It’s normal for teens in a relationship to want to spend more time together, but if they’re leaving out their best friend all the time or not wanting to do any activities with the family, those are things that we might want to look at a little more closely,” Dr. Peters said.

Behavior changes. Has their school performance dropped, or have they stopped doing activities they used to enjoy? These can be signs of depression, but they can also be signs that their partner is controlling their activity or behaviors.

Who’s at risk for abuse in a dating relationship?

Certain young people are going to be a little bit more at risk for engaging in unhealthy relationships. Some of these risk factors include:

• Having parents or close adults who engage in unhealthy relationships.
• Having higher levels of anxiety and depression.
• Using substances such as drugs and alcohol.
• Engaging in sexual activity or starting to have multiple partners at a very young age.

The main takeaway on teen dating tips for parents

The line between a healthy and unhealthy relationship can be blurry for teenagers, so it’s important to have open lines of communication with your child.

“We need to teach our adolescents about healthy boundaries and healthy relationships even among friends,” Dr. Peters said. “Really knowing your teen and their friends, what they’re going through, how they interact with one another, is helpful.”